


oh, it is love

by aerials



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Spoilers for 1x09, spoilers for 1x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerials/pseuds/aerials
Summary: There are three times that Philip says 'I love you', when it falls completely on deaf ears and there's one other time it doesn't.





	1. does your stomach hurt?

It started under the tree, sure Philip had known for a long time, despite his age, that what he was feeling for Lukas was love - or at least the closest thing to it - but it doesn't really, truly register until Lukas comes clean that Philip had never lied. That sudden change in the blonde, willing to do anything to stop Philip from leaving Tivoli, stirs up that feeling in his stomach but instead of that feeling being overshadowed by the anxiety and confusion about whether Lukas _really_ likes him, he's for once so sure of it. Philip feels at ease under that tree, thinking how there's a little splash of colour in his world all of a sudden and it's all just from Lukas finally expressing that he cares without a backhanded comment following it.

"Does your stomach hurt?" Philip asks, a curious expression adorned on his features and Lukas can't help but think, despite the unusual question, that Philip is completely adorable when he wants to know something.

"Why?" There's a lightness to Lukas' voice when he replies and it doesn't go amiss, Philip recognises it as a silver lining considering all the hurt and the pain the pair of them had gone through as of recent. He's sure Lukas' laugh could cure diseases and make flowers come full bloom, such a bright sound even when the chuckle he offers lasts mere seconds. Seconds can change so much, Philip thinks.

"Well, you know, that's how you know that you're in love," Philip is surprised he doesn't stutter more, though he's sure he repeats a couple of his words in the sentence, but his poker face is better than he realises. That calm and collected exterior hid the fact that, on the inside, he was screaming 'I love you Lukas' as loud as he could, even though his lips are pursed. All while Lukas is laughing again, denying that his stomach hurts and Philip can't tell if the ache in his own is from seeing that beautiful smile once again, or if it's from thinking that maybe Lukas doesn't love him after all.

For Lukas there's a combination of two things going on in his head; feeling terrified and oblivious. The first simply because he's never felt _anything_ like this before, having tricked himself over the past couple of years that Rose was who he loved and that being with her was right, he'd simply never considered that there was even a remote possibility he could be into guys. Now that he knew that he was at least into one guy, Philip, he often found himself terrified of new feelings that washed over him whenever he was with the brunette. How he struggled to control his urges to touch, kiss and how he constantly fought those three little words that sat on the tip of his tongue more often than he liked. Lukas couldn't say it, couldn't even admit it to himself and that was partly due to the latter reason, the fact he was completely oblivious to how Philip felt exactly the same way. Honestly, Philip could probably spell it out for him, with use of an airplane across the sky and Lukas would still not get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this as one fic but realised before posting that it was just too long, so instead you get a multi-chapter fic all at once. enjoy :))


	2. you're safe, i promise

The second time is on a night they spend together in the Torrence household, it's while Lukas is under FBI protection and when the pair of them are crippled by fear. They know that the killer they were eyewitness to was out to get them and neither of them can stand to be alone. Philip knows about the nightmares Lukas has and how he hasn't had a real night sleep in weeks and Philip, well, Philip doesn't like to talk about his own nightmares - too concerned with being strong for the blonde who kind of has more to worry about right now it seems. And besides, Philip is used to pushing down his own feelings and worries, he'd never really shaken that ability to put everyone else's needs before his own and it's no different when he's sitting upright, trying to coax Lukas back to sleep when he wakes up with a jolt, sweaty and shaken from a nightmare.

"It was so _real_ , he had both of us, he was going to kill you. I- I jumped in front to save you, I couldn't let him hurt you - I think I saw his face, I don't know..." Lukas is frantic and rightfully so, having been hit with the news that a murderer he assumed was dead was really alive and it's hard to come to terms with knowing he's unsafe until that person is caught. It makes his nightmares all the more horrifying. He usually manages to wake himself up before either of them die but that night, he just couldn't seem to break out of the dream and was soon watching himself die while Philip held him. When he eventually did bolt awake, he can't breathe and he's clutching at his side as if he can almost feel the pain from where he was shot in his imagination, like maybe he hadn't been asleep after all.

Then there's Philip, with a comforting 'hey' and a hand against his back, sleepily sitting up as he rubs at his eyes, trying to calm Lukas with soft kisses to his shoulder. "You're safe. You're with me, we're safe," though a little groggy from his recent bout of sleep, Philip's tone is completely sincere and all too soothing and Lukas wonders how he manages to do that - relax his breathing and make him believe that it's all going to be okay with just a few little words. It's because, again, Lukas is completely oblivious, he doesn't hear the pure adoration behind Philip's words and that complete affirmation of love, without Philip actually saying 'I love you'. 

When Philip repeats it again; "You're safe, I promise," his silent 'I love you', it's enough for Lukas, even if he doesn't realise what it really means and it's sealed with a forehead kiss that finally makes him lay back against his pillow again. Philip stays mostly upright, his fingers ghosting over Lukas' temple as he pushes away the strands that had been stuck to his forehead from perspiration, tucking them behind his ears and Lukas thanks God for Philip because he's not really sure what he would do if he was upstairs, or worse in another house, and unable to help him.

Philip, well, he's just glad Lukas is laying down again and he tries not to crease his brow in that way he does when he's worried, on the verge of sheer panic regarding what could possibly happen to the blonde if he were to fall asleep again. He wills himself to stay awake as long as he can, waiting for Lukas to be lulled into another slumber, if not by a lullaby then by the soft touches of Philip's fingertips dancing over his skin and the way he continues to whisper in his ear as a reassurance; "You're safe, you're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you."

It takes an hour or so and Philip has to stifle his yawns with the back of his hand but he doesn't mind, this was for Lukas and he would do anything for Lukas. It was a selfless action that would surely leave him falling asleep in class the next day but it's worth it to know that the blonde would have had a good nights rest. And as Philip lays there, watching the steady rise and fall of Lukas' chest, he begins to think that maybe fate is real and that there was a reason Gabe and Helen were chosen out of a few hopefuls to take him, like he was meant to meet Lukas. He's sure that love like this isn't something you can simply go out and find, it just gets sprung upon you and with that he's finally able to fall asleep himself, lulled by the way Lukas whispers his name suddenly while fast asleep. Yeah, fate is definitely real.


	3. please wake up

The third comes too late, Philip thinks. It's a desperate plea and not the way he wanted it to go but it's a last ditch effort in trying to wake Lukas, before Helen drags him away for questioning. He can't help but notice how peaceful the blonde looks and he hopes, that for once that he's not plagued with nightmares and that instead there's something good in his mind, like the image of his mom or the pair of them together. Though he's sure emptiness and blank sleep would be better than the nightmares at this point and he supposes, that when you're unconscious that you don't really dream but still he hopes. It's just hard for Philip to look down on Lukas, as peaceful as he seems, to see him linked to so many wires and a breathing tube and to see the crimson leaking through his hospital gown from where the blood had pushed through the bandage and Philip makes a note to mention that to the nurse before he leaves.

He doesn't want to think about it, how excited he'd been to go for a ride with Lukas on his new bike only for it to end so tragically. Philip isn't sure how he'll ever be able to go through his phone to delete the video, terrified that what he'll be met with is the image of Lukas flying through the air. He hadn't known what had happened at first, thought that maybe something had just gone wrong and it's like his brain tuned out the loud pop of a gunshot until he was pulling Lukas out of the water, where he could see the wound clear as day. He still willed himself to believe that it wasn't real, despite the coating of red on his hands from trying to stop the bleeding and, even more so trying to forget how lifeless the other had been in his arms.

Honestly, he blamed himself. For it all. If he hadn't told Helen that Lukas had been in the cabin, they wouldn't be where they are now. Lukas wouldn't have had to come clean, he wouldn't have a killer after him and he certainly wouldn't be laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life and Philip really isn't sure he will ever be able to forgive himself for this, for thinking that it would be a good idea to leave the security detail for a stupid jump. Now his stomach hurts for a whole different reason, it's weighed with guilt and fear and, sure, there's an underlying sense of love there, that he'll never be able to shake, but it's hard to focus on that when he's so scared that Lukas won't be alive by the time he gets back to the hospital. 

Philip doesn't even realise he's crying until he notices a drop on Lukas' hospital gown and he reaches up to wipe them away, determined still to stay strong for the blonde even if he doesn't know that Philip is being strong for him. He feels an obligation to do it, because even while the blonde is unconscious he needs someone to be strong, for the both of them, now more than ever. So he tells Lukas that, thinking that maybe, somehow, that he's able to hear it and it's wishful thinking but he'd read that talking to someone was a good way to pull them out of a coma but he's not even sure if it's true. He's just hopeful. 

Helen's been great, even as she peeks her head in to remind him they have to go, she allows them their privacy so Philip can say all he needs to say and really, there is only one more thing he needs to get out before he heads home for a few hours. It comes after a promise to come back, that he'll stay the night and sneak in if the nurses threaten to kick him out because there's no way he's ever leaving Lukas on his own after this.

Then finally, clear as day, he finally opens up; "I love you, Lukas," and Philip waits, hoping for that movie-style twitch of a finger that signals that someone is waking up, hoping that a declaration of love is enough but it's not. Their lives are too messy and chaotic for that to work in their favour and Philip is starting to believe that they'll never get their happy ending. Philip isn't religious, at all, in fact he thinks that the idea of God is a way to lull people into a false sense of security but yet he can't help praying, to a God or to some kind of higher power as he comes closer to Lukas and says; "Please wake up."

Philip repeats the sentiment to no avail, Lukas isn't waking up and Philip can feel his heart completely shattering in his chest. Like he's losing pieces of himself the longer that Lukas stays under. He longs to hear that voice again, to hear his name roll off of the others tongue because it never sounded as great as it did when Lukas said it. He hears the door open again and he knows he can't take anymore time, so Philip shifts himself a little closer and leans to press a kiss to Lukas' forehead, a silent promise of love, before he reluctantly turns away to leave.


	4. we're hanging out

A couple of weeks after the killer is caught, Lukas is finally able to return to his own home to continue recovery and the pair of them are safe from any danger at last. Philip is grateful for small graces, like being able to visit Lukas every day after school to check up on him and bring him any work he might have missed. He's grateful for the way that Bo warms to him more and more, even offering to pick him up from school on dull days, so Philip wouldn't need to pedal back to the house in the pouring rain.

Lukas is just as surprised to witness his fathers willingness to accept their friendship all of a sudden, assuming that the near death experience had given Bo the chance to get to know Philip, opening his eyes to how much the boy cared for him. It gets to a point where when Lukas asks for Philip to stay, Bo allows it and doesn't say anything when the pair come down from Lukas' room the next morning for breakfast. Sure, Lukas hasn't come out to his dad as of yet but he's sure that Philip is right when he says that Bo knows. Just like Helen, Gabe and Rose.

In fact, Bo had been kind of wonderful about everything. Not even protesting when Lukas asked him to help him get back on his bike - probably too early, not fully healed, but desperate to connect with one of the only things that made him happy once again. He thought about how he had a plan, that if he could get comfortable riding again and even do a jump on his own, he could impress Philip in some way, give him a little something back for all that he'd done since he was shot.

It takes weeks of practice, two of those filled with frustration and near constant falls as he became too scared to ride for fear he'd be hurt again. It was too crazy a thought, he was safe and he just needed to zone it out, think about a championship, a crowd cheering for him and Philip standing at the finish line ready to say how proud he was of him for winning. It's all the motivation he needs and even though sometimes it feels completely hopeless, like he'll never be able to ride, let alone compete in motorcross again, he continues on until he finally feels confident to ride alone.

Eventually it happens and Philip is left completely stunned as he stands outside, ready to climb into Gabe's van to make the journey to school, when he hears the familiar rumble of a bike engine. It increases in volume as it pulls up the driveway, leaving a cloud of dust trailing behind it and Philip does that thing that Lukas really admires, where he tilts his head and furrows his brows in confusion. Lukas can't help himself, as he dismounts his bike and strides over to Philip, planting a firm kiss on his lips right in front of Gabe. He's unashamed for once and it catches Philip completely off guard, leaving him wondering what had happened to his Lukas.

"Relax, Rick Anderton," Philip comments, stepping back to look over Lukas with such pride, unable to really grasp the fact that he's riding his bike again and kissing him in front of his foster parents. It's something Philip has only imagined, really, because in the past daydreams of their relationship were sometimes better than the reality but he hung on to the hope that the great little moments they had would finally become something more. Maybe finally they had.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Lukas takes Philip to school that day and Philip half expects him to stop before they can be seen, much like he had the last time they rode togetehr, but is instead met with the wind whipping against his shirt as they pulled round into the student lot to park. There's a nervous feeling settling in Philip's stomach as he thinks that maybe Lukas has lost his damn mind, that he's forgotten where they are or that Rose _knows_ and maybe the whole damn school knows by now but for some reason Lukas just doesn't seem to care. 

After all they've been through, Lukas doesn't want to hide. He's done enough of it thus far and both himself and Philip have been through enough, they deserve their silver lining of happiness, to be open and proud and Lukas has finally made the decision that it's time to battle that fear of new feelings and embrace them head on. If that means embracing Philip in public too, well Lukas believes he's finally ready for it and so, after leaving the bike, he proudly and carefully slips his hand into Philips.

"What are you doing?" Philip shoots quickly, looking a little nervous but not for himself, for Lukas, who could barely stand talking to him at school in the beginning and Philip starts to think that this is some cruel joke until he see's that bright, beautiful smile once more. The same one that he believed could cure diseases and make flowers come full bloom.

"I said we could hang out at school, right? Well we're hanging out," Lukas replied with a shrug, acting as if it's the easiest thing in the world. That he hadn't battled with liking a guy for so long, that instead he's just unashamedly himself and even if Philip wasn't totally aware of it, Lukas couldn't be himself if Philip wasn't right there by his side bringing out the best of him.

"But what about your friends, what if they see us?" Philip is so quick to ask that Lukas actually finds it really endearing, how, even though things are normal again, Philip can't seem to stop worrying about him.

"I don't care about that anymore, we're safe now we can be whoever we want. I want to be Lukas inspired by Rick Anderton, who holds your hand at school," Lukas surprises himself by finally speaking the truth and Philip's reaction of equal bewilderment doesn't go unnoticed, in fact Lukas finds the way Philip's eyes widen and the way his smile grows is adorable and causes that ache in his stomach that Philip had once asked him about. 

Philip, well he feels it too and in the way his heart races. It seems so unbelievable how far Lukas has come since their first at-school encounter but he doesn't question why it's happening, instead, for once, he's just happy that this is finally happening. "God, I love you," Philip mutters, with a lack of brain to mouth filter it pours out like it's something he's said a thousand times, a natural reaction to Lukas being sweet and he supposes he has said it quite a few times the more he thinks about it. He remembers that time under the tree, that night helping Lukas battle a nightmare and at the hospital. Those times Lukas hadn't heard him, for one reason or another but there was no missing it this time and Philip's hand still flies up to cover his mouth, fearing that he has completely ruined the chance of being with Lukas in public by saying those three little make or break words.

Yet they don't break anything, however they do coax the widest grin from Lukas and he's sure that it's the kind of smile that only Philip has the ability to bring out of him. For once Lukas isn't totally oblivious, in fact he hears it loud and clear - Philip Shea loves him and honestly, Lukas has never been so sure about anything than that he loves Philip back.

"Hey, my stomach hurts," he replies, watching the way Philip's hand falls, no longer regretting his inability to control what he says. In place is a mutual understanding, a connection so strong that it rivals anything that Philip has ever seen in the movies and he thinks that those cliche movie endings are completely underwhelming now that he's experienced his own for himself as Lukas continues; "Guess I love you, too."


End file.
